Word of the Week #105:

Nuance

Tonight, as I was ordering my dinner, I had many thoughts running through my head. You know, as usual…

At the foreground of my mind, I am scanning through the several menus, considering the several options. Unfortunately, all the food I saw could be easily divided into two major groups: Extremely Unhealthy and Extremely Boring.

After having worked quite hard to lose my tummy, and intent on keeping it at bay for as long as I could, I was somewhat leaning towards the latter group. After all, I have other means of entertainment. Food being purely sustenance to the body, while an alien thought to me, still seemed rational.

Then, in the deeper layer of my internal monologue popped a question, one that a friend had earlier asked me in passing and I had earlier disregarded, “Are you anorexic?

Well, I had disregarded it once, but this time, knowing quite well that I had lost almost an eight of my body weight in a span of four months, I decided to consider it.

Now, let me begin by saying that the symptoms associated with anorexia are rather vague, and also vaguely applicable to me.

  • Rapid Weight Loss: Well, that can happen, in life…
  • Fear of Gaining Weight: Isn’t that fairly normal? Some people are protective of their cars or bikes or homes or what not. I am protective of my abs. What is wrong with that?
  • Food restriction: Well, that is just relative, right? If only more people practised moderation…
  • Excessive Exercising: I have goals, but not the corresponding patience. Sue me.
  • Dry skin and hair: Yeah, swimming does that to you. I guess I should moisturise better.
  • Intolerance to cold: I’ve had this one for quite a while, okay?
  • Solitude: Okay, now you’re just picking on me…

Now, this raises a couple of questions. Let us consider one of them, and we could think about the other one later.

Okay, so the question being: “Am I anorexic?

Now, I am far from an expert, but I would like to hazard a guess and say, “No, I quite certainly am not.”

I am a smart kid. I have sufficient experience of sports and exercise and food. I know what my body needs.

Sure, I have lost some weight, but that is not all there is to it. I am smart enough to realise that I was ill far a certain period during that span, and that I ended up losing a significant amount of muscle mass as a result. Therefore, I need to regain some muscle, and I still have fat to spare. Both of these require an apt combination diet and exercise.

So, no, I am not starving myself to death. I am working towards a healthier being. This is not a disorder. This is a lifestyle, and a pretty healthy one at that.

I know I have wavered in the past few months, but as long as I can find the right balance and then continue to maintain it, I should be quite fine.

I will admit, though… Reading about it did give me a momentary scare.

Self-diagnosis over the internet is so not a good idea.

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Published by

Yashas Mahajan

Author of Arrkaya: Origins, now available online... Increasingly being referred to as The Writer Guy...

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